| Late Update |
[Feb. 21st, 2008|03:47 am] |
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Well, it's been 9 weeks since my abortion, I guess... That was the last time I posted at least. I finally went back to the clinic for my post-abortion check up. I mentioned my concern that I had not really passed any large clots, or anything that appeared to be tissue. The doctor said that those fears are very common and almost all the time unfounded. He also mentioned that since I was fairly early in the pregnancy, that it it doesn't really take much to break the tissue up, so I might not have any large clots because of that. Anyways, I had the ultrasound. He said everything looked a-ok, and there didn't appear to be any tissue left over. So hooray there. My period, up until this month, has been heavy, but that's no surprise since I had heavy heavy periods with my IUD anyways. I still have not told my mother, and honestly, I don't really ever plan on it. We are close, but there are some things she really doesn't have to know. I just don't see a reason. I made a mess, and I cleaned it up. I still do not regret my choice, and I don't think I will. The only hard part will be telling the man I eventually will want to have children with. But hopefully, we will have the kind of relationship where that will not be an issue, and with the whole circumstance of what happened, I guess I really have no reason to be so ashamed anyways. I am not sure why I am writing this like anyone is going to read it, more-so it will just be something for me to look back on. Anyways, I am now on Yaz hormonal birth control, and taking that everyday, and I like it! I get paranoid about it not working completely and me somehow ending up prego, again... God that would be awful. Haven't spoken to Mike in awhile, he seems very happy, and I am happy for him. Sometimes I get vengeful feeling, and feel like I want to tell him, just to get him back for being such a turd, but I know that it would really really wound him to find that out. And as much as some folks think he deserves it, I couldn't do that. (btw, it's 4am, and I am having trouble concentrating basically, so tired, but wanted to update). And, I have noticed that I am not really afraid to tell strangers, or new people I meet about this, but I hail from a somewhat small town, and I guess I just don't want folks from home finding out, I have told a few of my closest friends, and that's it, because I really don't want this to spread across town, like the wild fire I know it would. I was always known for being fairly uptight about my sexual practices, using and IUD and condoms, even with my fiancee (though we eventually laxed on the condoms). So the news that I got knocked up would be ironic to some stupid people back home, and I don't want that. I guess I have babbled on long enough. I do still need to lose some weight though, I gained some weight, even in that short ass period that I was prego, and then, I did have some emotional eating after the procedure, though, not from depression or anything from the procedure, but the events leading to me getting prego, and well, yea, having an abortion too I guess. I mean, I have always known I wanted children, still do, so a small part of me had this ideal idea of me keeping the baby, getting hugely prego, my best friend moving here to Denver from our hometown to help me out, like she said she would if I decided to keep it, and having me a wee one. I do know that I made the best choice though... I'd be just under 4 months prego if I had decided not to have the procedure. How crazy... Anyways, seriously, done rambling... |
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